Coffeerella

Once upon a time, like, 7:54:32 pm, there was a pretty pretty can of ready-to-drink, just-pull-the-tab macadamia-flavored coffee sitting right there beside 17 other cans on the 3rd shelf from the west, not counting the ones flush the wall carrying 28 types of breads, muffins, cupcakes, and cheesecakes, of the UP Consumer’s Cooperative in the Shopping Center of UP Diliman Quezon City Philippines Zipcode 1101.

The pretty pretty can of ready-to-drink, just-pull-the-tab macadamia-flavored coffee was seen by a little little girl who already graduated from UP but didn’t take the board exam yet because officially, the red tape prevented her but secretly, because she didn’t want to, and made her laugh at the ridiculous picture of a Mexican on its cover, not that she’s implying that all mustachioed men were Mexican but it was the easiest way to tell how the pretty pretty can of ready-to-drink, just-pull-the-tab macadamia-flavored coffee looked like.

The little little girl who already graduated from UP but didn’t take the board exam yet because officially, the red tape prevented her but secretly, because she didn’t want to, bought the pretty pretty can of ready-to-drink, just-pull-the-tab macadamia-flavored coffee despite numerous warnings by the gastroenterologist and her caffeine-war-veteran stomach that coffees were bad for her, no matter how pretty they were and how many ridiculously designed characters the can’s design had and how conveniently easy they were to open, because she likes shiny weird things like that, taste in men not withstanding and doctor’s orders be damned.

Then at exactly 2:36:12 am the next day, she got really really hungry and found herself eyeing her sister’s Yum burger with no cheese, because they didn’t have Jolly spaghetti meals with Yum with cheese meals despite her self-admitted opinion that they would sell like hotcakes like Jolly spaghetti with Yum with cheese meals, together with the pretty pretty can of ready-to-drink, just-pull-the-tab macadamia-flavored coffee and decided to try both for a 2 hours, 36 minutes-after midnight snack.

3 hours, 2 minutes, 6 trips to pee later, she still cannot sleep, no matter how much she tossed and turned and despite trying to read Foust and McCabe, on account of the pretty pretty can of ready-to-drink, just-pull-the-tab macadamia-flavored coffee she drank while eating her sister’s Yum burger with no cheese, because they didn’t have Jolly spaghetti meals with Yum with cheese meals despite her self-admitted opinion that they would sell like hotcakes like Jolly spaghetti with Yum with cheese meals.

And she lived hyper ever after.

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