mary’s blog

(where mary is always write)

The Book I Hated The Most

Christmas 1999

I stared at the book with a skinny kid on the cover, wondering what to do.

Harry Potter And The Sorcerer's Stone

Harry Who and The Sorcerer’s What?!

Having no interest in magicians and their kidney problems, I looked around the room to distract myself.

My sister was fiddling with the controls on her new camera. Across from her, my brother was strumming some chords on a new guitar.

Beside me, Calee was being Calee. Taking forever and 10 IQ points to unwrap her gift using her pudgy baby fingers.

I rolled my eyes and went back to checking out my new, boring book, which didn’t even come with a “My older brother and sister got a guitar and a camera, and all I got was this lousy book” shirt to make it funny.

Beep. Beep.

No offense to this Harry Peter kid, but I just can’t bring myself to be excited about a storybook. I’m Catholic, for chrissakes! I know how stories go.

I bet Harry was a good kid who ate all his veggies, cleaned the yard (as evidenced by the broomstick on the cover), and was always polite to his elders. He probably had a misbehaving friend with an equally boring name like Mary who, at the end of the book, will have repented for her sins, stopped cursing at people, and ate veggies to keep her kidneys healthy.

Again, boring.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Still, not having anything else to do, I resigned myself to reading Harry Porter in the off chance that he’s a cool kid involved in organ trafficking.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I tried to immerse myself in the domestic problems of the Durs–WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BEEPING NOISE ANYWAY?!

I slammed down my boring book to look for the source of the sound.

And wouldn’t you know it, Calee was able to unwrap her gift after all.

It was a shiny, red Pokedex.

A Pokedex with lots of buttons.

A Pokedex that can display the 150 original Pokemons, their strength levels, attacks, and random trivia.

A Pokedex that is NOT MINE.

Beeeep beeeep beeeeeeeeeeeep

(to be continued) Find out if Calee survives here.


There are 3 reactions to this story, leave yours below?

  1. JC on December 14, 2013

    I think I had the same Pokedex. And I remember I read a borrowed The Sorcerer’s Stone in the remaining time after finishing a math test early. Well, the first few chapters anyway, haha.

    • Mary on December 14, 2013

      You can’t finish HP1 in the remaining time after a math test unless:
      1) Your math test is at least 3 hours long
      2) You’re a speed reader
      3) AND you’re a math wizard

      I know you pass 2 and 3, but our HS math exams didn’t last 3 hours! So no. Probably just the first few chapters then.

      • JC on December 28, 2013

        This was back in grade school so it wasn’t really math it was just being a calculator which is why I was able to finish early so I don’t know about being a math wizard. But yes, it was definitely just the first few chapters 🙂

Warning: Undefined variable $commenter in /home/marymaca/public_html/blog/wp-content/themes/manlymary/functions.php on line 296

Warning: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /home/marymaca/public_html/blog/wp-content/themes/manlymary/functions.php on line 296

Warning: Undefined variable $commenter in /home/marymaca/public_html/blog/wp-content/themes/manlymary/functions.php on line 301

Warning: Trying to access array offset on value of type null in /home/marymaca/public_html/blog/wp-content/themes/manlymary/functions.php on line 301

Leave a Reply

All fields marked with * are required. Don’t worry. Your email address will not be published or entered into internet lotteries.

Get mary’s tall tales right in your RSS feed. Share this epic tale of lies on twitter! Read in the dark. Ack! This cursed pinkness! Manlify this blog!