The Book I Hated The Most

Christmas 1999

I stared at the book with a skinny kid on the cover, wondering what to do.

Harry Who and The Sorcerer’s What?!

Having no interest in magicians and their kidney problems, I looked around the room to distract myself.

My sister was fiddling with the controls on her new camera. Across from her, my brother was strumming some chords on a new guitar.

Beside me, Calee was being Calee. Taking forever and 10 IQ points to unwrap her gift using her pudgy baby fingers.

I rolled my eyes and went back to checking out my new, boring book, which didn’t even come with a “My older brother and sister got a guitar and a camera, and all I got was this lousy book” shirt to make it funny.

Beep. Beep.

No offense to this Harry Peter kid, but I just can’t bring myself to be excited about a storybook. I’m Catholic, for chrissakes! I know how stories go.

I bet Harry was a good kid who ate all his veggies, cleaned the yard (as evidenced by the broomstick on the cover), and was always polite to his elders. He probably had a misbehaving friend with an equally boring name like Mary who, at the end of the book, will have repented for her sins, stopped cursing at people, and ate veggies to keep her kidneys healthy.

Again, boring.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

Still, not having anything else to do, I resigned myself to reading Harry Porter in the off chance that he’s a cool kid involved in organ trafficking.

Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep.

I tried to immerse myself in the domestic problems of the Durs–WHAT THE HELL IS THAT BEEPING NOISE ANYWAY?!

I slammed down my boring book to look for the source of the sound.

And wouldn’t you know it, Calee was able to unwrap her gift after all.

It was a shiny, red Pokedex.

A Pokedex with lots of buttons.

A Pokedex that can display the 150 original Pokemons, their strength levels, attacks, and random trivia.

A Pokedex that is NOT MINE.

Beeeep beeeep beeeeeeeeeeeep

(to be continued) Find out if Calee survives here.

Ω