The Water Thief
Dear Faceless Person Who Drinks from My Water Jug*,
I am very sorry to inform you that I am left-handed and I have always been able to tell when someone is sneakily sneaking drinks from the jug. For example, I know that you are usually dehydrated between 8-10am and 2-4pm.
You might have to work on those putting-things-back-the-way-they-were-before-you-stole-them skills of yours.
Looking forward to finally being outsmarted,
*Sadly, that was not a metaphor.