How To Really Enjoy Reading
If you feel proud of yourself after finishing a measly chapter of Engineering Mechanics, I’ve got news for you: that’s not called reading. That’s called finishing your homework.
People who really enjoy reading are sociopaths. They sit quietly in a corner, calmly turning pages while someone is getting Crucioed to death and zombies are taking over the world. If you think this is fun, then this guide is for you.
#1 Be selfish. Pick a book you like.
Not what your literature professor asked you to read. Not the thick Physics textbook you need for your finals. Pick what you want. It can be about gaming, world domination, gardening, sex, or whatever. The point is you chose it.
#2 Now abuse the book.
You must learn to stop treating it like a delicate prop reserved only for “intelligent people”.
Bring it to class, to office, or on your daily commute. Stuff it unceremoniously in your bag right beside the pack of Oreos you forgot to clean out last week. Read the book while eating Chiz Curls and mark its pages with your grubby hands.
Don’t bother to take your eyes off the page when reaching for your drink. If you spill coffee on it, wipe it off and keep reading.
If you have to stop, mark the page by folding its corner. (Because if you have time to reach for a proper bookmark, then you have time to read just one more page.)
#3 Let reading disrupt your life.
Skip lunch and dinner. Who cares about food when Dumbledore is dead and Snape is missing and you don’t know where the other Horcruxes are?
Don’t stop reading at 4AM on a Monday. No. Not until you find out whether the prudish, sparkly vampire will make out with the self-absorbed emo girl (and when).
Continue reading even when you have an exam the next day. Especially when you have an exam the next day.
#4 Be crazy about books.
Snap at someone for interrupting your reading time.
Strangle people who give you spoilers.
Fight with anyone who says that your favorite book was just a rip-off of another. Tell them that book was poorly-written even if it’s the first time you’ve heard of it. (And secretly read the other book, just in case.)
#5 Pick up a new book and do it all over again.
And if the ending sucks, take it personally. Throw the book down and stomp on it for good measure! Vow to tell the whole world how stupid this book is. Make it your life’s mission to save everyone from this crappy book.
#6 Read only when you want to.
Because you want to. And lord help you if anyone gets in your way.